Im not the same person on social media that I am in person. On twitter I tweet my feelings and my opinions and I make it seem like Im a fun, outgoing person who doesn't care about what people think and has so much confidence in herself. But I post these types of things for attention. I hate to admit it because It makes me sound selfish and everyone hates someone who craves attention. But I don't have any good friends. I have one person that I talk to even we're only so close. I have no one I can vent to without feeling like I'm a nuisance. But I have followers on twitter and they may not care and they probably don't, but I need to hope that someone out there cares. Cares about my opinions and my problems and me in general. A person can only go so long feeling ignored. So for the sake of my actual life, I need attention. I need to be cared about too. I've been ignored my whole life. By my parents, by classmates, by people I considered my friends. So yes, I'm annoying on twitter because the person I actually am is so much worse.
I am not outgoing, I am not confident. I can barely be around people without having an anxiety attack. I cant go to parties, I had to finish high school online because I couldn't last 5 minutes in school without throwing up and hyperventilating in the bathroom. I'm shy and have social anxiety and that doesn't make for someone who has friends. But I'm an even different person once I get comfortable with someone. I become outgoing and funny and a generally happy and supportive person. People hardly get to that stage with me though. I'm so concerned about what people think of me that I try to not be anyone at all. In my life I've met a lot of great people. I've texted these people to only get completely ignored by them in a matter of days. I've always felt people would hang out and talk to me because they felt bad for me and were too nice to tell me to fuck off. No matter how much I've tried, I can't fix this about me. All I need is people to give me a chance, a chance to become comfortable and become me. Because everyone needs friends.
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